Monthly Archives: May 2013

Today, After My Workout…

Today, I learned how to workout; just by watching a guy at the gym. Here’s what you do:

  1. Sit on the bench for a few minutes.
  2. Flail your arms around for about an hour.
  3. Leave.

While stretching and listening to my headphones, the other guy said something to me but I didn’t hear him. So I took out one of my headphones and said, “I’m sorry…?” After sighing, because I inconvenienced him by being there to exercise and not socialize, he said, “I’ll be back.” He pointed at the pull-down bar, to either let me know that that is HIS pull-down bar and I can’t use it or he’s coming back to use it, just in case I was interested in his routine. He returned and I had just finished stretching.

I said to him, “I’m not coming back, so feel free to use whatever you want.”

I left… and as I was walking away from the gym, an Indian girl approached me (A girl from India, not the kind from the reservations. The latter part was a sarcastic reference to our history) and asked for my name.

I told her “Andy.” I asked for hers.

She said, “Naomi,” with a heavy accent.

I asked, “Mandy?”

She said, “No, Naomi.”

I said, “Oh! I misheard you. I said, I like your hello Kitty shirt.”

This girl must have been around three years old or so. Awkwardly but trying to be silly, I told her that I have the same shirt but I’m just kidding and that’d be weird if I did. Her expecting mother was standing nearby on the phone, giving the person on the other end of the phone a play-by-play of the conversation. The little girl asked if I am Justin Beiber. Her mom laughed, I said, “unfortunately for the both of us, I am not Justin Beiber but I wish I was.”

Her mother laughed, again, then another girl came from nowhere, who was also wearing a “Hello Kitty” shirt, who I assumed she was her sister without asking, approached me and said that their dad has the same shirt as I do. I replied with Oh! You two have matching shirts and me and your dad have matching shirts!

Then, they proceeded to give me a high five and I said that usually I’m the one who has to initiate the high-fives! After that, we parted ways. I don’t have any kids but my body must be putting out underlying odors that make me smell “dad-like” because kids seem to approach me. I don’t know if that’s scientifically sound or just another awkward question but at least when I’m done talking to them, I can just leave because they’re not mine.

Thanks for reading.

@andyhartweet @DalesMovie

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